I believe we have an innate sense of fairness, even from a young age. Little Johnny says, “Tommy hit me and he didn’t get in trouble, that’s not fair mommy”. As adults that innate sense of fairness doesn’t simply go away Just think of all the time at work when you got passed over for a promotion and someone less deserving got it. Or when you are at the grocery store behind someone with a cart overloaded with groceries and several coupons even though you are clearly in the express: “15 items or less” lane. During these times there is a voice screaming in our heads, “THIS IS NOT FAIR!” However, if confronted almost all adults will concede that life is not fair, we realize the concept in our heads but it does not translate to our hearts. Even as adults, we still deep down believe that life and the situations in our lives should be fair. This sense of fairness continues and in our hearts; (my mental picture of it is similar to the scales of justice) it must be balanced. With that idea in mind, if I believe on one side of the scales that I’m worthless and I don’t deserve anything, that I am lacking somehow, or I am broken and don’t deserve good things; then I’m going to balance that by treating myself and allowing myself to be treated in a way that correlates with that. Conversely, if I believe that I am deserving of love and am valuable I will treat myself and insist others treat me accordingly. We become very protective when someone treats our loved ones badly. If you don’t believe me just insult a man’s wife in front of him or mistreat a child in front of their mother. They won’t stand for it. They will demand you treat their loved ones with respect and they may even get a bit hostile in their demands for this respect. Why don’t we (this is the plural You here) deserve the same consideration? How do we begin to treat ourselves better? I mean listen to the voice inside your head, what does it say? “I am not good enough”, “I deserve to suffer”, “I am worthless”, “My opinion doesn’t matter”. How do we make others treat us better? First we have to truly believe that we really do deserve better or it will never happen. What do you think? Are you as a human being any less deserving than any other human being? If you would like help working through feelings of doubt or just dealing with a challenging life situation, give us a call at Transitions.
Christine Jeffries, M.S., LPC
Transitions Counseling offers flexible scheduling hours to meet most client needs and budget.
Contact us today at 817-680-9218
